Hocken #1

Alliance - Kel'thuzad

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Posted by: Jallinya on 2006-02-21 20:26:26
THIS UPDATE WAS POSTED BY JALLINYA/TRAILMIX, THE ENORMOUS DOUCHE BAG AND THE OPINIONS POSTED HERE IN DO NOT REPRESENT THE OPINIONS OF THE GUILD PACIFIST.

Ahn'Qiraj, and the People it Makes Me Want to Murder

So like for the last two weeks every big guild around probably has had the same AQ pictures plastered all over their websites. Ya know, an ambiguous boss fight picture, a picture of everyone standing on the corpse, and DEFINITELY pictures of the drops. Well guess what, the only AQ shit you'll see in this update is some scenery pictures that I thought zone designers did a good job on. Other than that it's going to be a rant of the people who should be tied down in a park so when people are walking their dogs the dogs can come over and ackwardly snif their genitals or take a large dump on the-afformentioned-people instead of the owners having to pick up the feces, and how AQ made me want to talk about that specific subject.

1.) First and foremost, the person/people that deserve torture and dismemberment that only the most perverse, malicious minds could think up are: the people who thought up to AQ war. Fuck you, get raped by bears. I know I am ripping off someone from vent saying this, but whatever dev had the bright idea of this war, and the managment that approved it should be tossed into a pit of hot sulfur. If I had my way I'd round up everyone responsible for the waste of time, put them into a room, design some sort of flail like machine that had like chains on it with huge rusty meat hooks on the end, and then it'd turn on and start spinning the hooks all violently and crap, and slowly start approaching them as they coward in a corner, screaming as their gruesome death rattled towards them. Then I'd be like "jesus fucking christ dude what is wrong with you, look what you just wrote, it's a god damned game, no one deserves to die over a fucking game, get a life." So I dunno if I'd want them maimed to death for it but I would definitely let a dog sniff at them in an unpleasing manner. Because I am a smarmy, weasley piece of crap. Although that is a pretty rewarding thought, having some stupid blizz dev sitting there and I walk up with my dog and scream "MY DOG IS GOING TO PISS ON YOU" and then seeing the look of total indignant disgust on their face. Ya that'd be good, screw the bloody slaughter, i'll stick with dog urine.

2.) That son of a bitch Heazy and his Monolith lackeys. Ya, I went there. So right when I get in the raid last night, Heazy comes up out of no where and tries to kill me, and and I run and would have gotten away but the rest of his donkies make sure I don't get away. Oh man I exploded last night and vomited all over their ventrilo promptly after that. Talk about a way to break someone's spirit. Believe you me I was grumpy about that for the rest of the night, mainly because it was also my first death of the night. I'm probably going to have to grief his/their shit now but in reality just get rolled alone then get even more flustered and rant a bit more on their ventrilo. Essentially I want some sort of foul beast to slink into your dwelling, Heazy, and piss all over your anime collection so if you are beating off to it during a raid you'll have to smell vile animal urine and as the putrid odor accosts your nostrils you will think "WHY TRAILMIX WHY DID I HAVE TO TORTURE YOU, YOU HAVE RUINED MY LLLIIIIIIIFFFFFFFFFFEEEEEEE." The same applies if all your anime is on a computer; don't worry I've thought ahead.

3.) Mneika, for making me love him so much. Ok, not completely but he and I (with a few others) stood around outside AQ40 for like 6 hours and bullshited in /s and vent. How many of you can say you've sat around outside an instance for 6 hours, huh? That's right, because you're probably not as stupid as us, bitches. Or as stupid as me at the very least, Mneika is just not working at best buy anymore so what the fuck is he gonna do? Then Genji has to like snare sluts as they run by, he can some how tell all the males playing female night elves from the females playing female night elves apart. Fortunately for me I've kept him in the dark as far as my true identity. Oh man will the crying game be played one day, and I will walk away triumphantly from that one.

4.) Devin Townsend for making such lovely songs and getting them stuck in my head. What a dick; songs don't even get stuck in my head anymore, but I'll be damned if an exception wasn't made for this whole AQ thing. Don't bother listening to his stuff though since only people like Graffias or Varg (miss you, sugar) are the only ones badass enough for it. Actually I don't want to kill him or anything I am just confused and I suppose I turn my affection into hatred, and with that mentioned: Mavlikan, you know that I want to get in your pants.But since I just mentioned pants and a paladin, AND Varg, here is some cliff bashing. He wears pants that are like $1,000 and have some like unique tear in them that justifies $400 of those $1,000. But they are so amazing that you can only wear them 3 times ever, and if you wash them once they will not only destroy your social status, but you'll be socially crippled for the rest of your life and probably start crying to yourself while drinking hard alcohol and grinding WSG/AB every night. Followed by a series of cataclysmic financial events, even though buying jeans for $999 dollars is a catastrophe in itself. Just think, man.

I seriously re-read through this entire post and I tried to look for places where I could put in paragraph breaks other than the obvious topic changes. I could only find one in the previous paragraph, but believe me I tried. This run-on-sentence train-of-thought sort of writing makes it difficult to have breaks because it either will have to be a new paragraph every two sentences, if not less, or no new paragraphs at all. It's a dangerous balance to maintain, but that's what I gotta do, because that's how I roll.

Professional guild discussion


The best things in this guild come from Ntume:






We're already far too familiar with AQ:


Notice the mini map
















Oh man we're gonna own this blue fag


And when the noobs get raped


HOT HOT AQ LOOT OOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMGGGGGGGGGGGG


Look at this old shit that no one cares about, WITH FLOWERS:


In this case, I thought "I'm dead in the air, there is a red "RAG" in my screen, and it's red. I'M ON THE RAG HAHAHAHAHAHA"


hmmm




Next week's update: Pacifist Spreads Brazilian Culture to Kel'Thuzad

Posted by: Jallinya on 2006-02-11 20:18:19
Schwa - One of Pacifist's Best Members

Why am I doing an update like this? What decided that Schwa is the best member? How can YOU be the one of the best members of the guild? Well I'll answer the first but and sort of ignore the other two for this update but you can ask me about it in a tell and I'll gladly tell you why Schwa is better than you. What's even better though is how Schwa got into the guild. But I'll save that for another day of mockery... or love.

This is why: on vent I yelled at Schwa one night and said "I hate you so fucking much" and probably some other things and he sounded sort of sad about it, and instead of being a good, mature officer I just sort of forgot about it, but let me tell you, it has been haunting me lately. So what did I do? I thought about the reason that I really like Schwa, and how awesome he is over all and that great stuff he does for the guild. I've compiled a relatively valid list of all the reasons that this man is THE fuckin man.

1.) He refers to Perdition's Blade as "Perds" or maybe even "Perdz". As if he talks about it enough in real life or something - that is some fucking dedication right there. It was so cute to listen to him explain to Hocken how great Perds was, when Hocken has just loot whored his alt out of MC with a Core Hound Tooth AND a Perdition's Blade (that's old news though). He is undoubtably one of the suit-wearers of the guild, and we should all pay respect and homage accordingly. If I wore a suit I know I'd be telling my mmo-nerd co-worker how fucking great my Spinal Reaper is, but I don't play enough to justify such professionalism.

2.) His name is Nuts. His NAME is NUTS. How sweet is that? It's fuckin sweet. You've got guild mates that are boring shit like Matt, Tyler, Richard; his name is Nuts. That's awesome, ok? But don't fucking bug him about it unless you are a hot WoW girl lookin for a sweet time. He likes mormon sluts I heard. It was like, something about spitting blood on them and screaming demonic or possibly satanic phrases at them after intercourse. I don't know if that's true or not, but I think he picked it up from Hocken. That guy likes his weird fetishes, and he also LOVES hearing about other people's weird fetishes. Make sure to send him a tell in game or a private message on the forums :).

3.) How could you possibly NOT love Schwa? I mean come on, look at this fucking card.





4.) This was all just a farce for me to apologize in the most over-done and unnecesary way to Schwa because he is a good guy and all that.

5.) He lives in Utah or something and HATES the people there! IF NOTHING BEFORE HAS CONVINCED YOU THIS HAS TO. Actually like half the fucking guildis from Utah or something which is pretty gross in itself. And he likes wacko 80s music. Like remixes of "Take on me" done with a hokey techno beator something like that. I will admit though that Tyler stabbed him in the back on this one, so take it as you will.

I dunno what else to say so here are some pictures.

Fuck Arathi Basin





Fuck graphical bugs







fmnkwangkanreognojrgbanojgrbn

Posted by: Jallinya on 2006-02-02 01:37:13
How the Mighty Have Fallen
(And the Burning Phoenix That Rose From the Ashes as the Wind Blew the Champion's Remains Across The Darkened Mountain Side Under the Ominous Moon Light)



The news, sadening as it may be, has been kept secret for weeks now. Emotions have been tried, tears have been cried, and Katithra has sighed. Now it is time for the public to know what will become of the most wicked awesome guild on the server. The end is at hand - Pacifist will be disbanding within a matter of days, primarily to rekindle, and give rise to the once, and again powerful Fancy Pants Posse. Once more, the players of Kel'Thuzad will adorn themselves in dapper pantaloons, miraculous slacks, and bell bottoms so fucking retro that even Hocken's mind will be blown.



Pacifist had a good run and all, but the time has come, and much more significant things must be focused on. Certain pant-dissenters have caused the recent rift in the guild, which is unavoidable over time in any large community, the ones with good pant taste will form into their own clique.



Possibly with various assorted jewelry adorning their slacks, or possibly even pockets to hold such accessories as cups covered in jewelry or maybe even watches covered in jewelry. Most important is the pants that hold the jewelry and cell phones and all that other shit.

On the other hand, the others will form a shabby-pants union to support their assorted burlab or twill pants, possibly even a loin cloth to passively state their protest.



These dregs of society express ill behavior with one another, premiscuous behavior being the largest contributed to overpopulation on the servers today. Wonder why there are queue lines? Ya, this is why:



Word of the Second Coming of the F.P.P. is already spreading like a wild fire through your sister's dirty snatch. Some bullshit was here but I deleted it so ignore this sentence.
Really though tell your greasy friends about this that Pacifist is dying and Fancy Pants Posse is coming up in their place, the whole god damned server should know.



Some may question the necessity of pants being fancy, but we all must remember that such extravagant garments were designed with that very intent. Don't believe it? God said it, not me.



YES HE IS GOD DON'T FUCKING ARGUE



Now on to the more generic update!

QUOTES!
A tactful observation about our officers


Insight we all needed


We’re going to miss you :(


The text is like, GREEN, MAN!




A guild led by professionals.

PICTURES!
Speaking of pros


PVP Tanking


PVP Hunting?


Ways to keep MC entertaining




Ways to keep ZG entertaining




The ladies know where the good are.


Ways to keep BWL entertaining




Now, this actually happened one night. If this doesn’t prove Dyno is the best rogue on the server, I don’t know what will.










Thanks to the aspiring movie directory Montgomery, Danger is now staring in a new movie!
Link provided below.


Die Die my Danger

Finally, here are some links to AQ opening for the douches who care about that stuff:


Gate Event

Beating Eranikus

I have no idea what this is but Mneika is a faggot

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