THIS UPDATE WAS POSTED BY JALLINYA/TRAILMIX, THE ENORMOUS DOUCHE BAG AND THE OPINIONS POSTED HERE IN DO NOT REPRESENT THE OPINIONS OF THE GUILD PACIFIST.
Ahn'Qiraj, and the People it Makes Me Want to Murder
So like for the last two weeks every big guild around probably has had the same AQ pictures plastered all over their websites. Ya know, an ambiguous boss fight picture, a picture of everyone standing on the corpse, and DEFINITELY pictures of the drops. Well guess what, the only AQ shit you'll see in this update is some scenery pictures that I thought zone designers did a good job on. Other than that it's going to be a rant of the people who should be tied down in a park so when people are walking their dogs the dogs can come over and ackwardly snif their genitals or take a large dump on the-afformentioned-people instead of the owners having to pick up the feces, and how AQ made me want to talk about that specific subject.
1.) First and foremost, the person/people that deserve torture and dismemberment that only the most perverse, malicious minds could think up are: the people who thought up to AQ war. Fuck you, get raped by bears. I know I am ripping off someone from vent saying this, but whatever dev had the bright idea of this war, and the managment that approved it should be tossed into a pit of hot sulfur. If I had my way I'd round up everyone responsible for the waste of time, put them into a room, design some sort of flail like machine that had like chains on it with huge rusty meat hooks on the end, and then it'd turn on and start spinning the hooks all violently and crap, and slowly start approaching them as they coward in a corner, screaming as their gruesome death rattled towards them. Then I'd be like "jesus fucking christ dude what is wrong with you, look what you just wrote, it's a god damned game, no one deserves to die over a fucking game, get a life." So I dunno if I'd want them maimed to death for it but I would definitely let a dog sniff at them in an unpleasing manner. Because I am a smarmy, weasley piece of crap. Although that is a pretty rewarding thought, having some stupid blizz dev sitting there and I walk up with my dog and scream "MY DOG IS GOING TO PISS ON YOU" and then seeing the look of total indignant disgust on their face. Ya that'd be good, screw the bloody slaughter, i'll stick with dog urine.
2.) That son of a bitch Heazy and his Monolith lackeys. Ya, I went there. So right when I get in the raid last night, Heazy comes up out of no where and tries to kill me, and and I run and would have gotten away but the rest of his donkies make sure I don't get away. Oh man I exploded last night and vomited all over their ventrilo promptly after that. Talk about a way to break someone's spirit. Believe you me I was grumpy about that for the rest of the night, mainly because it was also my first death of the night. I'm probably going to have to grief his/their shit now but in reality just get rolled alone then get even more flustered and rant a bit more on their ventrilo. Essentially I want some sort of foul beast to slink into your dwelling, Heazy, and piss all over your anime collection so if you are beating off to it during a raid you'll have to smell vile animal urine and as the putrid odor accosts your nostrils you will think "WHY TRAILMIX WHY DID I HAVE TO TORTURE YOU, YOU HAVE RUINED MY LLLIIIIIIIFFFFFFFFFFEEEEEEE." The same applies if all your anime is on a computer; don't worry I've thought ahead.
3.) Mneika, for making me love him so much. Ok, not completely but he and I (with a few others) stood around outside AQ40 for like 6 hours and bullshited in /s and vent. How many of you can say you've sat around outside an instance for 6 hours, huh? That's right, because you're probably not as stupid as us, bitches. Or as stupid as me at the very least, Mneika is just not working at best buy anymore so what the fuck is he gonna do? Then Genji has to like snare sluts as they run by, he can some how tell all the males playing female night elves from the females playing female night elves apart. Fortunately for me I've kept him in the dark as far as my true identity. Oh man will the crying game be played one day, and I will walk away triumphantly from that one.
4.) Devin Townsend for making such lovely songs and getting them stuck in my head. What a dick; songs don't even get stuck in my head anymore, but I'll be damned if an exception wasn't made for this whole AQ thing. Don't bother listening to his stuff though since only people like Graffias or Varg (miss you, sugar) are the only ones badass enough for it. Actually I don't want to kill him or anything I am just confused and I suppose I turn my affection into hatred, and with that mentioned: Mavlikan, you know that I want to get in your pants.But since I just mentioned pants and a paladin, AND Varg, here is some cliff bashing. He wears pants that are like $1,000 and have some like unique tear in them that justifies $400 of those $1,000. But they are so amazing that you can only wear them 3 times ever, and if you wash them once they will not only destroy your social status, but you'll be socially crippled for the rest of your life and probably start crying to yourself while drinking hard alcohol and grinding WSG/AB every night. Followed by a series of cataclysmic financial events, even though buying jeans for $999 dollars is a catastrophe in itself. Just think, man.
I seriously re-read through this entire post and I tried to look for places where I could put in paragraph breaks other than the obvious topic changes. I could only find one in the previous paragraph, but believe me I tried. This run-on-sentence train-of-thought sort of writing makes it difficult to have breaks because it either will have to be a new paragraph every two sentences, if not less, or no new paragraphs at all. It's a dangerous balance to maintain, but that's what I gotta do, because that's how I roll.
Professional guild discussion
The best things in this guild come from Ntume:
We're already far too familiar with AQ:
Notice the mini map
Oh man we're gonna own this blue fag
And when the noobs get raped
HOT HOT AQ LOOT OOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMGGGGGGGGGGGG
Look at this old shit that no one cares about, WITH FLOWERS:
In this case, I thought "I'm dead in the air, there is a red "RAG" in my screen, and it's red. I'M ON THE RAG HAHAHAHAHAHA"
Next week's update: Pacifist Spreads Brazilian Culture to Kel'Thuzad